My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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