were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
