I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
