i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
