I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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