Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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