1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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