Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
