Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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