Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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