he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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