I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
