quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
