Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
