she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
