We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
