fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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