i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
