He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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