so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
