I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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