I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
