He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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