His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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