no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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