She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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