I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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