In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
