ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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