Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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