I'd wear matching sweaters with you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
