we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
