After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
