six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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