you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
