Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
