I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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