just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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