You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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