Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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