So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize