Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
