I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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