you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
