Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A+ Viking dick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
