where am i from again
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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