Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
