she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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