Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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