the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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