I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
