I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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