Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
