another moral hangover. fuck.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
