I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
