just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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