it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
