he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
