Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
