then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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