you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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