If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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