how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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