Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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