I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
