SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
