on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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