I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
