She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
