he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
