if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
