He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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