my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
