You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
