I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
my poor anus
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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