So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
