I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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