I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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