I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
