paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
