There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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