I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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