either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
pray to the hookup gods
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