I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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