So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
