3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
